Charly Dwyer

“Like A Girl” What Really Causes It?

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Like A GirlBack in August last year, I wrote about the Words We Use and Sexism … and how we use terms like “don’t be such a girl” in a derogatory manner.   It’s something that seems to have “always been done” and it’s simply not acceptable any longer (I’m not sure it was ever acceptable really).  Telling someone to “don’t be a girl” is a form of sexism that damages both Males and Females.

Why have I bought this up again you ask?  Because of this awesome video produced by Always

The team over at Always has started the #LikeAGirl movement and say the following about it:

Using #LikeAGirl as an insult is a hard knock against any adolescent girl. And since the rest of puberty’s really no picnic either, it’s easy to see what a huge impact it can have on a girl’s self-confidence.

We’re kicking off an epic battle to make sure that girls everywhere keep their confidence throughout puberty and beyond, and making a start by showing them that doing it #LikeAGirl is an awesome thing.

Please don’t misunderstand what I’m about to discuss – I think the video is AWESOME and raises the awareness that doing things or acting “like a girl” is not a bad thing but it really doesn’t address how it happens.

This video demonstrates how “older” girls and a couple of guys view activities based on the term “Like A Girl” – kick like a girl; run like a girl; fight like a girl.  It then does the same thing with younger girls (10 and less, I guess) and the results are remarkably different.  The video would indicate that the term “like a girl” becomes negative when a girl enters puberty.  Maybe that’s right… but it doesn’t explain WHY it becomes an issue then.

Why, when a young man or woman enters puberty does “being like a girl” become a negative thing.

Why, when a young woman enters puberty does she stop “just being herself” and think that she has run, kick, speak, dress and generally do stuff differently?

Why is it such a thing?  Where do these messages come from?

I think it’s pervasive in our culture and it’s subtle things that add up over time.  Sure, young women loose their self confidence in puberty but who on earth said that it’s bad to “throw like a girl”.  Where do boys and men pick up that it’s ok to abuse each other like this?

So whilst we’re busy empowering our women – let’s also address the fact that the term “like a girl” is held out as a negative in our society and start addressing the behaviour(s) that causes it in the first place.  Girls and Boys aren’t born thinking that being ‘like a girl’ is bad, they learn it.

In closing, I’m a bit bemused that it’s a commercial company that has taken this on to raise their brand profile to sell more stuff to Women… but maybe that’s what it will take…

What are your thoughts?

 

 

SwordCraft Quest

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So…. I’m a geek and, I guess a nerd.  When Morgan told us about the SwordCraft Quest Weekend to be held in September  both Stuart and I were pretty intrigued.  There were a couple of things about the Quest:

  • It was in Geelong and dear Morgan was talking about driving down.  By anyone standards, that’s a really long drive from Canberra, and not one to be undertaken lightly by someone with limited long distance driving experience.  At the very least, we could help him to Geelong and have a weekend for ourselves
  • We were kind of (ok, ok, REALLY) interested in an immersive Live Action Role Playing (LARP) experience.

So, we decided to cough up the attendance fee, along with weapons hire, for the weekend and take our chances.  How glad I am, we did!

After a 9 hour drive or so on Friday afternoon, we arrived at the site where the SwordCraft Quest was held (Sokil Arts Eco Retreat, 425 Breakfast Creek Road Aireys Inlet) and checked in….

We had booked a “cabin” for the weekend, thinking this meant something self contained with cooking facilities.  Unfortunately we were mistaken and it was “domitory style” accomodation and had no cooking facilities! EEEK! Fortunately Morgan had signed on to Free Company for the weekend and was partaking on their largesse (for a fee of course) and Stuart and I had a range of Isagenix Shakes and Snacks to get us through the day!

Did we mention that this was an immersive experience? No tech on the field, drinking vessels were to be authentic or “in character” for the weekend.  I found this a small challenge, as we still had to provide 24 / 7 support to a number of clients – so with a bit of ingenuity, I found someone who could field the calls and address what they could and then escalate to Morgan and myself.  This worked pretty well – I setup my laptop on the balcony of accommodation and used my phone to get an Internet connection.  What I hadn’t considered was the fact that we would be far from civilisation and mobile data might be problematic.  We prevailed however!

Given we would be entering an immersive environment, we debated how we could make plastic water bottles look “period” and what our “costumes” would be without spending a bucket o’ dollar on them.  Costumes for Stu and I were a little easier than expected….:

  • charly-cosplay1Where would a girl be without her black leggings?  I pulled a couple of pairs from my drawers and packed them
  • Top courtesy of Lee’s Dragon Dreams and another I had stored in my wardrobe
  • Boots – well, where would any self respecting girl be without her Ugg Boots?
  • oh yes, I had a crushed velvet cloak made many, many years ago and it found its’ setting this weekend…… It was cold enough on the Saturday to need both the boots and the cloak.

Stuart decided to take a visit to “Just Clowning Around” and picked up a “Knight”, “Kings Robe” and “Demon Priests” costume.   Not overly original, but he seemed to pull it off.

In terms of CosPlay, it gave us a heap of things to think about and develop for more events.

We did agonize over how to make our drinking vessels (plastic water bottles) appear authentic…. but when we arrived we found they were selling “authentic vessels” at a reasonable price… yep! we’ve already utilised a few times at home since.

drinking-vessles

 

On to the weekend where we found out there were a number of warbands you could align with – honestly, it probably would have helped us to read the stuff on the SwordCraft site however, just by wandering around and announcing ourselves as “travellers from far off Canberra” we received a warm welcome from all bands.   Actually, we deliberately avoided Free Company as this is who Morgan aligned with and we wanted to give him his room.  Bands we can remember include:

  • The Bretons
  • The Order
  • North Men
  • Guardian of the Dawn
  • The Bandits
  • Knights of The Black Rose
  • The 13th Free Company
  • The Orcs (not sure if they had a warband name)
  • Free man (unaligned)….

Each group has a pretty elaborate backstory, well worth asking to hear it.

Then you have the individual characters who have spent many an hour creating their costume and their backstory.  I had the pleasure to speak to many of the participants about “who” they were and “how” they had created the character and there were heaps of stories – too many to relate here.  It was really refreshing to see such creativity in the genre!

On Friday evening, we were sitting on the “back deck” of our lodgings whilst Daan and his partner, Erica, were ‘kitting out’. Daan is the leader of the Orc warband – and the length they go to to represent their characters is awesome.  Whilst they were getting ready, I took the chance to ask some questions….

[jwplayer mediaid=”489″]

This week, we saw the release of a SBS2 doco (I think you could call it a doco) on the Quest.  The commentator is a gentleman named Lawrence, who was on his first quest.  This really just serves to show how inclusive the group is….. First time newbie is encouraged to join the personal duels ….. and ….. ok I won’t spoil it, take a gander yourself:

[jwplayer mediaid=”468″]

OK, so it was a great weekend. One I would like to do again but get more involved in the doing and not the observing.

Here are some choice photos from our weekend

 

 

Orcs, Bretons, Eastern Star, Free Co, “The Order”, The North, Bandits and Freeman

Quests, Battles, Reiving, Looting

Items Lost, Items Found, Items Looted, Items Stolen, Items Retrieved

Battles rage — The Order vs The Bretons, Free Co selling services to the highest bidder (a case of home brew qualifies)

How many and who made their mark in the death book? BETRAYAL! Political misunderstanding – reasons cited

Orcs on blood feud – don’t betray or they will take their toll in your blood

Fairies & Elves use Fae skills and magic – Fairy food drives questers mad

Children quest as well. Finding items, interacting with others. Learning valuable skills for later life

Immersive environment – in character, out of character…. inclusive

All are welcomed – be involved. Freeman may align with warbands… or not

End of day tournies – individual and warbands. Who will the days champions be?

Participants bristle with weapons. Armour clanks as Warbands move – Standards held high – troops rally!

Spellcasters; Necromancers; Wizards; Generals; Hoplites; Soldiers; Mercenaries; and Bandits all answer the SwordCraft call…

Charly Leetham, September 2013

Wage Equality

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What are we teaching our young women about equality and wage equality?  This is the question I’m left asking after hearing about the “Should I Stay or Should I Go” segment on Kyle and Jackie O on September 24th.

I don’t listen to the radio much, so I’m grateful to my hubbie for sharing the segment with me this morning.

Here’s the upshot of the segment (copied for Kyle & Jackie O’s facebook page)

Sienna is 31 years old and has been dating Lee for 4 years. He’s also 31 years old.

They live together (rent) and are committed to each other. They often talk about marriage, kids and are starting to save to buy a place together.

Lee has his own landscape gardening business which brings him in a ‘normal’ income of around $80,000. He’s been doing it since Sienna met him and he loves what he does… although she has some concerns about the amount he is earning. Sienna works in graphic design and has continued to climb up the career ladder – now earning a high income of ‘let’s just say over $150,000’.

The problem she is finding is that she is now finding her attraction to Lee dwindling. She says that she hates having the feeling like she has to pay for everything, she also wants to go on holidays to places that Lee can’t afford and says are too expensive. She also says she is putting more in towards buying a place and can’t help but feel that is unfair.

Sienna says she’s not a snob but more likes the tradition of a man taking care of a woman. She would like Lee to be more ambitious and earn more than her so she feels like he’s in charge and providing for the family.

Should she stay or should she go?

woman-carrying-manOMG! This is such a step backwards in the Equality movement.  Right about now I would be swearing but in the interest of my readers I won’t.  I’m finding it hard NOT to judge this situation…. let me see:

  • I want “the Man to take charge” in the relationship
    So LET him.  What does what you earn have to do with who takes the leadership role?  Oh hang on – even better SHARE the leadership roles.
  • I don’t like “the feeling that I have to pay for everything”
    Surely that’s a decision she makes?  There is a point at which everyone has to decide whether they want to accept certain expenses or not.  If she feels like she’s paying for everything and her partner ‘goes along with it’, then a frank discussion between both partners has to be had.  If there is such a disconnect in both partners values, then you have a basis to make an informed decision on.
  • She has concerns about the amount her partner is earning – $80,000 for doing something he loves
    Huh? $80K is nothing to be sniffed at, and if your man is happy doing what he does and gets paid that much – why would you complain?  Trust me, my hubbie was stuck doing a job (where he earned a good income) and he was miserable – which meant he was dreadful to live with.

If you’re looking for an excuse not to be with your partner, using the disparity in income is pretty weak.

If you want your Man to be the ‘leader’ and ‘main bread winner’, then you’re just going have to accept what he can earn and be done with it.

Nearly from the outset, I earned considerably more than my hubbie.  This was due to my drive and the fact that I made some pretty key decisions with career at the right time.  This was over 20 years ago and at no point did we ever have the concerns that Sienna has raised.  It’s (generally) always been an equal partnership – there are things that I do better than my hubbie and things that he does better than me, we just play to our strengths.

Certainly, the decision to have children impacted on our partnership. We had to renegotiate a few things, but as with all partnership decisions it required discussion and compromise from both of us.

I listened to the podcast of the show from the 24th (Kyle and Jackie-O podcasts) and I’m pretty stunned by the comment “none of my friends would date a man that earned less than them”.  Seriously! I feel blessed to have a man who is comfortable (and proud) that his partner can and does earn more… I feel blessed to be able to say “do what fills your cup” and support him in doing that….

No, it hasn’t always been easy, yes we’ve had to make some compromises in lifestyle and holiday choices – but we’re together, we’re happy and we’re passing that legacy onto our children.

As my hubbie said, after all these years what does the money really mean?  It just isn’t important given all our other blessings.

Not withstanding all the other things, the principle and the precedent with comments like:

likes the tradition of a man taking care of a woman

and

would like Lee to be more ambitious and earn more than her

are incredibly dangerous and undermine everything that equality is about….

It’s time to stop thinking in terms of protector and protectee – and start thinking in terms of partnerships.

What do you reckon?